Ok, I flipped out a tad

At least when I act like one of those crazy girls, I know it and come around...

So perhaps my fear of relationships has caused me to take this one just a smidge too seriously. Number one, he will come back from Dallas. I know I have issues about that because I was talking on the phone with my best friend, on his way to College Station, making plans for the weekend, and then he was killed in CS. That was only two months ago. But that's not normal, people normally return from trips. I also should be allowed to have this fear, but R. may not know I do, so to him I'm just acting crazy.

Which, admittedly, I AM. I'm so terrified of being in a relationship and it not working, so then I would swear off relationships altogether, that I am putting too much pressure on this relationship. I am hyper-analyzing every little thing, like why didn't he come over that night? (A: He had to pack and iron and get ready to leave... why didn't I go over?) Why didn't he kiss me goodbye? (A: we were in his office, and he did kiss both of my cheeks) Blah blah and failing to take enough note of those things which are important and should be weighted far more than these silly self-doubts: that he came to my mom's birthday dinner last week, that he routinely tells his co-workers about me and what I'm up to, that his mom asks about me, that he texted me last night at 1:30 am when he's happily out on the town, drunk, with all of his old friends.

Those are what matter, that he's thinking about me. And I have to keep reminding myself that it is in fact all of these things that make me still like him, and make me want to be in a relationship with him. Because were he too eager to hang out, I would be bored. So I am going to attempt to stop hyper-analyzing every little thing.

...like the fact that he hasn't responded to the text I sent him four hours ago... he's just busy enjoying his friends and family, and it's not like it really warranted a response...

Now I have a weekend goal: relax. Being in a relationship does not change who I am as a person. I do not wear this badge that says, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! So chill I will.