Sharing the wealth

Last night I had a volleyball game, and it sucked because my team was being divisive. Mr. Everything's best friend and I were trying to play real volleyball, while the other guy was just trying to hit it over from everywhere on the court. Ugh! But the bigger thing is the fact that Mr. Everything was there... not that I was looking... but I did catch him looking over at my court once--which, of course, is also the court of his best friend, so that doesn't MEAN anything.

But then after the game he came over to us and said something to his best friend, then said hey to me and gave me a HUGE side hug... I mean, this was a super affectionate side hug. Then he hugged his best friend's fiancee--just to make it natural and all. Later he revealed that he had indeed been drinking (as our volleyball league is what is known as a "beer league") so that could explain the exuberance. But he was disappointed I wasn't going to the bar after the game, and frankly, so was I. Which put me in a terrible mood the rest of the evening.

Which brings me to my point, my frustration with being interested in this random person I do not know when I have a wonderful man in my life. We're going on a date tonight. :-D And I think the interest in Mr. Everything is just because I like the chase and all, but I wish I had a good friend to set him up with... I wish I had friends that liked the guys I meet, because I meet a lot and need to be sharing the wealth. Speaking of, my roommate was complaining that she doesn't meet men like our other friend and I do and I felt sort of bad, but at the same time, she doesn't go out with new people! I am super busy because I am running around meeting new people playing sports and going out with other friends or new friends or whoever. I wish some of that would rub off on her. And I wish some of her staying home would rub off on me!

How does someone who doesn't want a boyfriend get so many?

The dichotomy continues, despite the fact that I told them both about the other. R. came and hung out with me and my roommate Friday night, and when I told him that I was dating The Founder, he said that he already knew. He went on to say that it hurt him a lot to see me with other guys at that party we both went to, but I said that I wasn't even into The Founder then--but also apologized, not wanting to have hurt him. He said it was fine. Then he was like, "but you don't like The Founder that much, do you?" and I was kind of taken aback and was like, "I like him a lot, actually." And then he was mostly fine for the rest of the night, except that he kept predicting bad weather for mine and The Founder's tubing outing the next day and that he was super stingy paying for dinner, which frustrated the hell out of my roommate.

Tubing was a lot of fun, and then going out with The Founder was a lot of fun. We acted very couple-y, even holding hands walking down Sixth Street, which is rare for me (you'll recall that R. and I did that and it was a big deal to me). Naturally, we ran into my high school boyfriend on the street, and it was actually really fun to see him. He looked happy, which makes me happy because he hasn't always been. He was a super sweet kid, and I wouldn't mind being friends again. Unfortunately he emailed me today and said something sweet about my beautiful smile, which is nice to hear but probably indicates that he did not in fact notice that I was holding hands with my "boyfriend."

Laying in bed Saturday night I asked The Founder if he was what they call a boyfriend and he said "I don't know, do you want me to be?" and I said, "I don't know." And he said, "why do you ask?" and I said, "lots of people were asking me and I didn't know what to say." At the bar we were at earlier people were asking and I didn't know how to answer, so I gave really awkward answers and my friends made fun of me. Oh well. So we didn't settle that, and I can't believe I was the one to ask the question! Ha. But that's another reason I like him, because despite the fact that he wants to spend all his time ever with me and I don't know if I can handle it, he doesn't need labels, and he is laid back about the existence of an us.

I think it's a bit ironic that he's pretty much the most serious relationship I've had since the high school boyfriend (THE EX was never really a relationship as much as a shit show) and then we see the high school boyfriend. Ohhh speaking of relationship, yesterday I played volleyball for FIVE HOURS and one of my teammates brought his best friend, who is tall and hot and funny and was friendly to me (and I laughed when he mentioned basketball and I asked him if he played and he quickly added, oh, I play everything, baseball, basketball, football...) So then Mr. Everything made me question if I really liked The Founder... and then I realized that this is the part of things that always get me--it's not so much that I want something as much as I don't want to miss out on something. And I'm sure Mr. Everything is a nice, great guy, but he couldn't be as wonderful as The Founder...

He's been bugging me about what I'm doing on my birthday, because it's his best friend's wedding. He finally came right out today and asked me if I would come with him, even though he doubts it is the most thing for me to do on my birthday. I said I would go, I'm not that into my birthday in the first place, and anyway I like him, so of course I would want to go.

Right, so we're not sure if he's my boyfriend...

Coming clean

Finally, it's Friday! I'm feeling less sick, so that's good, and I got two of the issues off my chest last night with The Founder. Sweet thing brought over food for me and watched Dazed and Confused and then slept over, all with my sniffly self. We're laying in bed and I finally just sucked it up: "Can I tell you about two things?"

So I go into R. first, and tell him that we used to date and are very good friends and I just wanted him to know in case anything came up. He asked if it was awkward between me and R. and I said 'not at all, but I mean, I haven't had this conversation with him, and I don't think he knows, so I have to tell him,' and that was sort of awkward between me and The Founder. I also told him the whole story behind my best friend dying, and he said the most perfect thing anyone could say: "I don't know how to help you, but I want to be there for you and do whatever I can when you feel bad."

I almost cried. It's so totally opposite of the reaction the kid I was dating had way back when, and it's so opposite the reaction anyone has had... normally when they don't know what to do, they do nothing (ahem, my alleged best girl friend who didn't talk to me for three weeks), not address the fact that they don't know what to do... amazing. That boy/man is just ridiculously amazing.

Tomorrow should be an epic day... possibly floating the river, being his date to a party, and then seeing the Spazmatics out at a bar. Fun!

A side note, I got a wax yesterday and was hoping to put it to use last night, but NADA. Damn. Stupid sickness.

Why I'm Sick?

I'm getting sick again, and I'm a believer that you often get sick when there's conflict you aren't addressing... like the myriad of issues I'm not addressing, that include:

-The R./Founder dynamic. Neither knows about the other. Well, they probably know, but they don't KNOW.
-The roommate/Boyfriend/Loss of independence issue. I gained a roommate and a boyfriend in a very short amount of time, and both constitute a significant loss of my independence. I want them both, but I need to be able to acknowledge how sometimes I don't want them both and I want to live in my little house all alone.
-The dead best friend dynamic. The loss of my best friend still sucks. I haven't told The Founder much about him. I want to and need to and haven't.

Good reasons to be sick, no? I'm going to nap after work and then maybe work out. Put the date with The Founder off, which he was fine with. He's a good kid.

I've been thinking a lot about this personal essay I wrote last year... it was on bodies, and I never could quite nail my message down for the audience. I came across as somehow arrogant despite the fact that I was talking about how insecure I was about my own body. I think the issue is that I AM insecure, but only about ONE area: my stomach. The rest, I am proud of, and work hard for.

So I realized in the process of writing this paper last year that I only go for guys with great bodies. We're not talking average, I-work-out-sometimes bodies, we're talking huge shoulders and biceps with super-defined abs. And generally, I'll sacrifice some face attractiveness to get this kind of body, which is just generally sad. But the two most recent fellas, R. and The Founder, both have seriously awesome bodies and superbly attractive faces. Not THEHOTGUYATMYGYM faces, but given that he's one of a kind, these two are nonetheless close.

Which I really have no point to saying, except that it's interesting in the overall development of my life. Ha, speaking of interesting but neither here nor there, yesterday I was at the gym lifting before spin class. I had forgotten my headphones and was complaining about it to Josh, who you will remember is one of my fave Gold's Gym men, and he lent me his mp3 player. Aw. And seemed to be trying very hard to get me to hang out with him not at the gym, but being too wimpy to ask... probably for the best. I adore The Founder, and can't wait to see him tonight. :-)

Moving + "Differences"

I was so busy at work yesterday I forgot I even have a blog! Funny. Anyway, this weekend we moved in my new roommate, and by we I mean the roomie, The Founder--of his own volition, nonetheless--and me. He was amazing, a super good sport, stayed forever, my mom brought over dinner and we all hung out, and then when I thanked him profusely he simply said, "I was more than compensated. I got to hang out with you and eat an awesome dinner."

We went to an all-gay party that night, and it was really fun, definitely a different experience. The bartender thought The Founder was hot, so he said to him, "If that's your girlfriend, she's a lucky girl." Luckily, neither of us reacted, so we didn't have to DTR before it's time.

I adore him, and we probably are in a relationship, but I LOVE the fact that we don't have to define it. Last night we were out with his friends and my roommate, and he said to her, "One of our biggest differences is that I hate to plan and she loves to." He was being ironic, as it is actually the other way around, but I mouthed to the roomie, "we have differences?!" I don't think you get to have define-able differences unless you are certifiably together. Which, again, I suppose we are, but still!

Ohhh and we played volleyball on Sunday, and it was me, The Founder and R., plus three other of my friends. Just a smidge awkward, and I think R. figured out that something is up with me and The Founder. He hasn't returned my one phone call since. Ugh.

Dancin'

We went dancing last night, and The Founder does not know how to dance. Two step, swing, waltz... nada. But he totally made up for any lack of skills with sincere effort. And it was all very romantical, all the hand-holding and close-dancing, complete with little stolen kisses... we were probably that couple you hate.

But I just adore him so much, and wanted to let him know! I was looking good too, the whole mini skirt and boots thing works on me with this ridiculous long legs of mine. I was feeling good, and it felt really good to be there with The Founder. He was awesome, and at one point I wondered out loud where he came from and my friend said "heaven," which was cute only because it meant she approved.

He slept over, and this morning was fun because we got out of bed and then it was raining and cold in my house because I like to sleep with is really cold, so we got back in bed and snuggled together, which was wonderful. He left his phone in my car, so he's on the way to meet me at my office now to retrieve it. I hope no one brings up the dreaded b-word...

The OTHER Balance

Right, so last night was the first time I've seen R. since I started seeing The Founder. It's also the first time I've seen R. in several weeks, because we've both been out of town quite a bit. It was really good to see him, and I felt all of our old chemistry with none of the awkwardness that came with us trying and failing at having a relationship, so that was absolutely awesome. We also made a lot of history in a short time and have a lot of inside jokes, which are fun to share again.

For instance, you remember the "not a fan" joke, where he told me I needed a ceiling fan and I said "I'm not a fan." That became a running joke, and last night my a/c went out, so I immediately texted him and said something to the effect of, "my a/c is out... I need a fan!" knowing full well he would appreciate the utter irony. And he did! And he made funny jokes back and it made me really happy.

Part of me worried that it is a bad sign that I am "dating" The Founder and not texting him about needing a fan, but then it's not really bad, because that wasn't our joke. And perhaps I will become okay with R. being a close, if not best, friend, because I get all of the fun stuff without the bad stuff--the anal personality, rigid way of doing things, and independent streak. And The Founder, he is just a phenomenal person. He left me alone mostly to talk to R., but would come over and join the conversation, because we're all friends, and once R. left just me and The Founder hung out. I don't know that R. or The Founder know about each other, but my running buddy does and he doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, despite the fact that he is R.'s neighbor. He already knows me so well, I asked if I needed to tell R. about The Founder and he said, "give it more time, you don't know if it will last." Ha.

I got home and The Founder had left me a message on myspace: "you rock." What did I do to rock? And there I was, wondering if he was at all jealous of me talking to R. Silly girl. This kid is a freakin' winner. Did I mention the other night I was on the phone with a crying girl friend and he put my legs in his lap and started massaging them? Ahhhhmazing.

Also, random: THEHOTGUYATMYGYM was at the bar run club is at! He wasn't at run club, but he was there, and he was HOT! I pointed him out to friends and they agreed. He definitely noticed me too, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I briefly wondered if it was a bad sign that I was wanting to talk to him even with The Founder there, but then I had the thought that he's the kind of guy I couldn't get anyway, so who cares? And then I had the subsequent thought, I can get any guy I want! So there you have it.

Going out tonight with The Founder and other friends. Should be fun!

The Balance

I have obviously never been the girl with the boyfriend her ditches her best friends for him because, well, I've never been the girl with the boyfriend. When one of my very best friend Carolyn was bitching about her friends doing that, I said to her, "If I ever do that to you, will you tell me?"

She looked at me, a little bit startled, a little bit sad, and said "It's not that easy. You can't just tell them that."

So she's been gone for six weeks and just got back a little over two weeks ago, and while she was gone I created this whole little life for myself, with new friends and sports and activities, and it's been hard trying to add her back in--not because I don't want to, but because I already have these established routines. And The Founder hasn't made it any easier, always wanting to hang out.

So Carolyn is moving in with me--not as a way to spend time together, as a solution to the problem of her having nowhere to live and me needing more money. But it will help, when we live together, because it will be default hanging out time. Maybe it will even encourage me to hang out at home! :-)

I was talking to my mom about that yesterday, about how I feel like I am so busy and everyone else I know has all this free time to read, go to Starbucks, and google stalk random hookups. She said it is because I do too much--but I like what I am doing! And I want to do more! But she is right, one of my main focuses when I came here was making friends, and then when my best friend died, it doubled that desire. It made me think that I want as many people around me as possible, whereas before I was happy with a few close friends and myself and my writing.

So the point of this is that life is hard to balance. It's hard to balance time with friends and time with yourself, much less adding in a boyfriend... which might be why I've never been interested in sacrificing time with friends or myself for a boyfriend. The Founder might be worth it though. And even if he doesn't end up being that serious, it is good for me to learn to balance everything.

I just hope that Carolyn isn't thinking that I'm the girl who ditches her best friends for a boy that's not even a boyfriend. I won't ever be that girl, friends are too important.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

The Founder and I were debating over gchat (because IM is too juvenile) about who was going to go to whose house last night, because I wanted to bring him chicken soup even though he's only sorta-sick, but he didn't want me driving that far away, so eventually he said he'd call later and figure it out. Well the silly guy calls later and asks if I'd like to take a walk, because it's nice outside. He meets me after my volleyball game is over at a park between our houses, thereby eliminating the who-goes-where debate and then coming over to my house for chicken soup after our walk. Sneaky little sweetheart.

He also wouldn't let me kiss him last night, because he didn't want to pass the sickness back and forth. He did let me put on country music and attempt to teach him to dance in preparation for an upcoming trip to Midnight Rodeo. He also volunteered to help move my roommate in this weekend--I don't even want to do that!--and invited me to his running group's summer party next weekend... I am not stressing though, I am letting this all just flow and happen naturally. With R. I know I stressed too much about everything, so I'm not taking anything seriously. :-)

I forgot to mention yesterday that THE EX IMed me. I didn't even know I was signed on or that he still had my AIM name, but there he was. We chatted. It was nice to hear what he's up to, but he inevitable asked if I was single and I said something joking and he said, of course, you're never single and you're never taken.

I hate it when they do that! Just because you know me so well doesn't mean we should get back together! I made it clear that I am very into my current flame, and he immediately brought up some woman who proposed to him... like I care! Get married, get out of my hair. Seriously, the light switch is permanently off for us, THE EX. Of course, that doesn't explain why I stayed up late chatting with him. Chalk it up to curiosity...

Hopefully I'll get some stuff done tonight. Tomorrow should be interesting, as it might be the first time R. and The Founder are in the same place since things went down with R. and into something with The Founder. Sweet.

Dinner, Houston, and Expired Multivitamins

The Founder made me dinner, and it was awesome. I didn't really pack, I just sat and talked to him while he cooked. He brought a HUGE bottle of wine, but being mostly sick I sipped on one glass forever... he drank a fair share of the bottle. We sat down to watch Top Gun with our marinated chicken, Mediterranean veggie salad and mashed sweet potatoes... dee-licious! He's good.

Of course, food quickly led to making out (with a pause wherein I asked him if he was sure he wanted to make out, because I was sick, and he replied that he took a multivitamin) which led to us in my bedroom... which I certainly didn't mind but found a bit odd considering he'd been the one to say he wanted to take things slowly--in the morning I saw how much of the wine was gone from the bottle, and decided that probably had something to do with it.

I asked him to stay over, and he did, and we snuggled up to sleep (yes! R. was not a snuggler), but not before he made me get another pillow to aid the drainage in my throat and insisted on getting my dog's bed, setting the thermostat, and checking all the doors--my before-bed tasks. Super cute that he wanted to take care of me.

He took out my trash in the morning.

And I took off for Houston, for a Saturday conference for work, and hated every minute of it, and hung out with my Houston friends (where I went to school, so there are plenty) and texted with The Founder all weekend long. He got sick! Haha. Expired multivitamin?

And now here we are, manic Monday. It's been crazy at work and I want to take The Founder chicken soup, but I don't really have time to do it... does that mean I feel like I don't have time for him--he's not a priority? Or does it just mean that I'm busy as hell and if he wants to be in my life, he'll come to me? Hopefully the latter. I like The Founder.

Gossip + Running = Awesome

I've been sick recently, probably more a result of exhaustion and the beach trip than any allergens in the air. I got in bed at 8:45 last night and though it took me awhile to fall asleep, I was asleep by 10:00, so that was nice. I wanted to go to bed when I got home at 5:30 but someone was having a pool party at my complex that rendered my attempts at sleeping completely pointless. So I went to run club.

It wasn't necessarily the best choice, as I felt okay during the run (mainly because we stopped to walk) but afterward felt weird. During the run though, I ran with my girl friend S. and my normal running buddy, and we all gossiped about last week and this week and The Founder and everything, so that was lots of fun (if a tad awkward because my running buddy is neighbors with R. and didn't know that was over). They slowed down to hang out with me, which made me feel loved.

The Founder is coming over to make me dinner tonight, which is precious. I mean, who asks, "can I make you dinner?" And then offers to make it at my house so that I can pack? Last night we were supposed to go see Top Gun in the park, but didn't because I didn't feel well... so he says, "Don't worry, we'll put it on while I'm cooking!" Simply freakin' amazing. Where on earth did this dude come from??? And why does he like me?!

Another friend of mine posted an ad on craigslist (at my urging) and is meeting a guy for coffee tonight. The Founder and I are on rescue alert, and I think we both sorta hope we'll need to rescue her just so that we can use codenames... teehee.

Since when did I lose my ability to type a title into the Title box? Anyway, the title was going to be "maybe we'll just skip over the beach" because, well, I don't feel good, have drainage in my throat, and it is a result of the tiredness stemming from the damn beach, and then the hanging out with The Founder.

I think The Founder is pretty into me. He came to my volleyball game, came with my team to a bar afterward, then we went and played one on one basketball... now, I played college basketball and have continued to play since--I'm no slouch. He may be taller than me, but I am probably better. I was up for most of the game when I suddenly remembered that beating a guy at basketball has never had positive consequences for me. So I stopped trying as hard, and what do you know? He won--but barely. Purists might say that I am a wimp, and I HATE it when guys don't play their hardest against me. But the male ego is too fragile a thing to let a basketball game hinder...

...which means big things, people. Former college basketball players are not generally in the habit of letting people beat them...

To top it off, we came home and made dinner together (um, my fridge is a total bachelor fridge, so dinner was a salad and frozen veggies dumped in a pan)... super cute.

But I'm so not ready to be dating again... I don't have enough time for myself when there is someone else in my life!

This will be the quickest post ever, but I promise more tomorrow. The beach was ridiculous, while we were really there because my friend broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half and she sought out men's attention rampantly, I was the one who ended up making out with two guys on the same night. Oops. And it hold true what they say--you find them when you aren't looking.

...but even more ridiculous than that is that I have a man, not from the beach, coming to watch me play volleyball tonight... spectating, as I have mentioned before, is serious in the dating world, and he and I are not so serious. Well, yet.

Just a bit to tantalize, will 'splain myself later...

You should probably get your car blessed by a priest

Yesterday... July 4th... my party was awesome, tons of fun, all my favorite people were there, we drank everything, ate everything, and it was grand. Unfortunately, the night ended with a bang, not of fireworks but of one of my best friends being handcuffed and put in the back of a cop car, charged with a DWI despite her successful field sobriety tests. She was driving the car belonging to The Founder (you know who I mean), who had gotten a speeding ticket on the way downtown, and whose car was then impounded because none of us could drive it.

But before that, there wasn't much drama. Cali kid appears to be interested in neither me (relief) or my girl friend (sad). The random stranger I invited actually came, and continued to refer to himself as the random stranger for the rest of the evening. And when I say the rest of the evening, I do mean he hung out with us the entire day, which was the only weird part about him being there, because otherwise he was perfectly nice and very cute. But he was there til the bitter end, which was only odd because by that point the group had dwindled to five of us who are very close and him. He slept on my couch, so as not to get a DWI of his own, and left super early this morning, before I was awake. My dog barked and alerted me of his departure.

The real story, however, for the dating blog, is the romance developing betwixt me and The Founder. Lest I be known as the run club slut, my girl friend assured me that "every girl in run club would drop her pants for [The Founder]." Well, that's reassuring. At the party, there did not appear to be anything in particular going on between us. But when we went out to the bars, that all changed. There, first we were hugging and I would snuggle up to his shoulder. By the end, we were holding hands. And though it was his car, he tried to give me shotgun, when I wouldn't take it, he said, "well I wanna ride in the back with you!" and jumped in the back with me. That was super cute. There we held hands and such, until the whole DWI thing put a damper on everyone's fun.

We chatted at work all day today, and tonight we're going for a run and to the gym together. I still don't know how this is going to work out with the friend I have that liked him, and I might ask him about it. But I like him, and he's as goofy as me, which is rare, so I can't let it pass me by, ya know? Ironically, it's R.'s birthday today...

Stay tuned; tomorrow should be interesting, and then this weekend I'm headed to the beach, which two years ago was the scene of some of my more ridiculous antics, including sweet-talkin' my way into a bar without an ID and skinny dipping on the beach with a complete stranger, thereby losing my credit card...

I Make Friends Easily

Last night I played my first volleyball game with my new team, a group of randoms who don't know each other. We all seem very nice and fun, so I'm excited about that. When I first walked up, toting my dog, keys, water bottle and volleyball in full hands, I caught sight of this guy, we smiled at each other, I kept walking to find my team.

Turns out, we're playing his team. We take it to three games but we end up losing, and I play pretty well, though not the best showing I've had. After the game, I'm inviting my team to come to the party I'm throwing tomorrow and calling out to them as I walk to my car, and the guy from earlier is like, you didn't invite me. I turn to him, surprised, because he looks like a shy fella, and say I don't even know his name. We meet, and I invite him to my party. I remember his email address and send him the evite later that night.

This afternoon, he rsvped yes on the evite. Hahaha. Adventures could strike tomorrow, big time.

Last night, I went out with my two best girl friends from high school, and we got DRUNK. I felt so tired all day today as a result, but that isn't the point. The point is that I called up JJ, who you might remember from before and at the beginning of dating R.--he's the L.A. kid. Turns out, I'm going to L.A. at the beginning of August, so I wanted to know if he'd be there and wanted to see him. AKA I was drunk and horny. Ooops. He called me back today and I was remarkably less excited. I mean, I adore JJ with all of the love of friends, but I don't have any desire to start something up with someone who doesn't live here.

You might be wondering, weren't you supposed to have a Monday date with Adamman? Yes, yes I was, but I canceled on him. It's par for our course, and he said he wasn't feeling good anyway. Hopefully we'll get to do it sometime soon, but knowing us, it might never happen.

So the host of Saturday's party, we'll call him GoofyD, is still emailing me... I really can't decide how I feel about it, which generally means I shouldn't do anything about it.

I'm going to the gym tonight... it's THE HOTGUYATMYGYM night! YES!! Maybe we can speak more than a few words and he will come to my party too!... or perhaps this is one of those times I should hold myself back.

Where to even begin?

As promised, the Saturday night party brought adventures for me, but not too much drama... R. was a brat, and said afterward that the night was awkward. I didn't feel awkward at all, but then again, I showed up with two extraordinarily attractive men... we also got into an awkward conversation about cheating where he sort of accused me of cheating when we were together and I had to refute the claim and then explain that we weren't actually together... I suppose that was a bit awkward.

Anyway, I showed up with the Cali kid and his roommate, who was definitely in the top ten of funniest people I've ever met. He reminded me of my little brother, but in an I-was-attracted-to-him way, not a weird way. He was short though, they are both around 5'11". They also both ended up considerably drunker than I was, as I was driving, and I'm pretty sure they asked me to come sleep over with them... both of them... I dropped them off and went home to my dog.

At the party, the host, who happens to be one of my newfound-girl-friend's former crushes (she says he wasn't interested, I don't know) was getting pretty friendly... not that I'm complaining, as I find his particular brand of tall and goofy charming, but I am treading on thin ice... I don't want to do anything to nip my girlfriendship in the bud, and I don't want to become the run club slut either...

Both fellas emailed me this morning. Cute. We'll see where any of this goes, I'm throwing a July 4th party and all sorts of characters will be in attendance, so that should be fun!