Couples Weekend

Can you imagine me on a couples' weekend? I cannot, and yet there I was, all weekend, half of a couple. It was me and R., R. and me, all weekend.

Friday night, movie at my place. Saturday afternoon, my work party. Saturday night, his friend's going-away party. Sunday all day, tubing with his co-workers (FROZE MY ASS OFF), break from each other, movie Sunday night.

THE KISS FINALLY HAPPENED! Hallelujah, he's not gay, we're not just friends, and I'm not crazy!

Monday, party with his friends. It's like taking the baby out for its first showing, where everyone oohs and ahhs about how cute it is... we're out, together, around each other's friends. Or more specifically, I was around his friends, because he had met a lot of mine, but not in a couple-y setting like this weekend, where he was a date to a party.

And here is the weirdest thing, doubters, I barely noticed. I didn't freak out. I didn't get sick of being around him.

...that's some scary stuff. I could be half of a couple soon. That hasn't happened since I was like 19!

So I'm Behind... I have new job responsibilities!

I know I was trying to post every day, but the new job responsibilities have taken precedence! Which is good. But anyway, like I've mentioned before, it also gets more boring when you have a steady someone and aren't running around with many someones.

But the thing is, I'm never boring. And I'm never just with one steady someone. R. wouldn't come over last night after I got back from dinner with friends, which is perfectly reasonable, so I called JJ in Cali. We talked for like 45 minutes, and he wants to move somewhere and start new...

...he doesn't have the balls to do it, but the mere thought of him moving here is enough to make me wonder what it would be like if we dated. Which sucks, because I don't want to wonder what it'd be like to date anyone else, I want to try dating R. and only R.

But can I give up the thrill of the balancing act? The never-getting-too-attached-to-one-because-there's-always-another? Can I be upset that R. won't come over and not have someone to call and just deal with it?

It's that life-long THING I've had with missing out. I couldn't sleep as a baby because I didn't want to miss out on anything. I couldn't date one guy through college because I didn't want to miss out on another. I couldn't travel after I graduated because I didn't want to miss out on an awesome job.

And I'm happy I did things the way I did. But when can I trust that I'm not missing out on anything by doing what I'm doing? I'm happy with my career right now--definitely not missing out. Definitely in the thick of things. So can I be happy with my choice of men, and let JJ alone?

But then there's always the what if, the what if JJ was the one and by choosing R., I'm missing out on JJ?!

This, my friends, is why I don't try to settle down. It's too hard.

Dog-blocked and then my bad

Went to watch a movie over at R.'s last night and brought my beloved canine companion, Yukon. Yukon doesn't like men, but has taken a liking to R., so that's a good sign.

Yukon has a history of dog-blocking, the pet version of the cock-blocking phenomena when a man tried to "block" his friend from hooking up with a hot girl. When my platonic friend hopped into bed with me one night, he hadn't even gotten under the covers before she dove in between us and settled happily down to sleep. Is she being employed by my parents?! So last night she sat between us on the couch until we pushed her off so that I could rest my head on R.'s shoulder. This is a big step for us, you will remember, as we haven't even kissed yet.

So about an hour into the movie, my phone rings and I sit up to answer. Yukon immediately dives between me and R., and then, ridiculously enough, puts her head on R.'s shoulder!

Awesome. My dog blocked me and then tried to steal my man, and she doesn't even like men!

I also have to confess: I think the kiss finally could have happened, but it was my fault it didn't. My bad. I asked R. to come with me to a work party, and after some deliberation he agreed. We're standing in the parking lot after an extended hug where we stood without our arms around each other, and I start rocking side to side in a nervous--but kinda cute--way... and he can't kiss me, obviously, because my face is moving from side to side!

What a weenie. It's just that there's so much build up to this now, and I'm not worried about the kiss being bad or good, it's more about ambiance, which is admittedly quite silly. But I've never had one of those storybook kisses that wasn't in a parking lot or in a bed or in a bar or on a couch, so I want one! And poor guy, R. is having to suffer this tremendous wait for one little kiss, when my nickname used to be The Kissing Bandit!

The Weekend Report... wait, there's not much to report

Not much to report only because the dear fella that I am seeing is... I don't even know a word to describe it! Suffice it to say that he apparently likes me enough to come back from out of town to go to my friend's graduation party, but after a late-night swim and (swimsuit-clad) romp in the hot shower, there was still NO kissing!

And then a sleepover, featuring five feet of space between us the entire night.

Awesome. Why is it that almost all guys are crazy-eager to jump into the physical aspect of relationship, and I finally meet one who isn't, and it's driving me crazy?!

I respect it, on the one hand. But on the other, I need chemistry! And if he sucks at kissing, I'm not kidding, it is a DEAL BREAKER. I am young, I deserve kisses, and good ones at that. All I can say is that the whole mystique of the build-up better lead to one helluva kiss! Oh wait, but I mean no pressure or anything... man, what if I am the one who sucks at kissing?

Nah...

Ohhhhh but wait, I did forget about my good friend JJ, who texted me out of nowhere the night R. and I were at my friend's grad party. He misses me. And wants me. And spent all of last night, the second consecutive night, convincing me that I wasn't interested in him, despite my repeated offering that I wouldn't know if I was interested in him or not because he always has a girlfriend. He told me he left one for the other. I told him this was irrelevant, because I do not crush on attached men, end of story. He didn't get it.

And he won't, he lives in L.A. and rocks the L.A. lifestyle, the one I hate. And even if he was single, he would be out there, and I would be out here. But he is tall, hot, and gave his Escalade to his little sister (who I taught how to wakeboard) so he could get a Lexus...

When it rains, it pours, eh?

Oh Gold's, Reasons You Shouldn't Disco Nap, and I made a Girl Friend

Busy day yesterday! The girl trainer at Gold's and I swapped numbers yesterday and talked about going out, or at least meeting up. I solidified my new girl friendship! Those aren't easy for me to make, but now I have three of them! I'm getting so good at LIFE.

Also, none of my cadre of trainers were at Gold's yesterday, so you might think I would go one day without getting hit on. Never fear, however, someone will always come through. I'm happily ellipsing away, reading Allure, when I see this guy walk over to the ellipser area and kind of scan the whole scene. Nothing is open near me. He hops on the ellipser next to a relatively cute girl, despite the fact that there are four open next to that one, and most people get as far away from others as possible--or at least I do. Anyway, I smile and think, 'aw, how cute, he thinks she's cute.'

The woman on the ellipser next to me gets off, and lo and behold!, the guy gets off his ellipser and moves to the one next to me. In his defense, I get on this kind of ellipser because it's better, harder, and maybe he was on one of the wimpy ones. But what are the odds? He glances over at me a lot, but I act completely absorbed in Allure. Maybe he's just competitive, checking out my speed and calorie burn...

My brother played late last night, and I had all intentions of going. At 11, I climbed into bed in my clothes to wear to the show for a sweet disco nap. At 12:15, I awoke to my phone alarm, called my ride (ahem, my parents) and told them no way, no how.

Disco naps: good in theory, bad in practice.

Two polar opposite thoughts

Two polar opposite thoughts: number one, we were at Oasis today for a business lunch that involved greasy nachos and tasty margaritas. Sweet gig. But the sun started shining a little too brightly and I broke a small sweat. Our previously outrageously UNattentive waiter stopped by to see if I needed another umbrella, to which I obviously replied, yesplease! He proceeded to move the stand around to position the umbrella best for me, and then bring an umbrella out of storage just to shade me. I felt sort of like a princess, minus the palm leaf and grapes, which I don't care for much anyway.

J., who you will remember essentially spawned this blog, watched it all unfold and as he walked away, turned to our (very fun) dining companion, mildly astounded, and said, "She has this crazy affect on men!" Aw, she got to spectate. Too bad he was the slowest server alive.


Thought number two is entirely antithetical to the point of the blog: will I be settling into a relationship soon? Last night, R. came over to my friend's house after telling me he wasn't going to, and proceeded to just hang out... we weren't really doing much, sipping on some beers, chatting, watching the Spurs game... it was pretty chill. I was worried he'd be disappointed, because I had offered up washers but when we arrived no one was particularly enthused about the whole thing.

So when I got a text message from him telling me how much fun I was to hang out with, surprised doesn't really cover my reaction. I think I was more in awe of this guy, because what guy sits around while I gossip with my friends, hangs out with my dog, and texts me afterward telling me that he enjoys my company?!

R. is a stellar guy. And I haven't gotten bored yet, which is always the worry. Maybe it's because we haven't kissed yet. Maybe that's why I'm holding out...

And another one down, and another one down, another one... at Gold's Gym

I went in to my fave gym again yesterday... now, normally going to the gym boosts my self-esteem because I look at myself in the mirror a lot while lifting, naturally, but I'm focused in entirely on the muscle I am working, so rather than seeing my stomach bulge, I see my bicep flex and straighten, flex and straighten, flex and straighten--which makes me feel strong and ripped. Of course, walk away from the mirror and into the locker room, and I'm back to seeing the slightest bulge under my t-shirt.

But at Gold's, my self esteem goes up for an entirely different reason, and that is because I can't meet one of the guys that works there without feeling like he's interested! Now, this could just be the way they treat girls because they are trying to get them to sign up so that they can watch them on the gym floor all day in their short-shorts. Fine. But I think it's also the ease with which I talk to them... because the gym is such a comfortable environment for me.

For instance, yesterday I am getting my free one month membership that I "won" set up, but a new guy is helping me. He looks like you expect a trainer to look: beefy in the shoulders and chest, almost coming out of his shirt, but with disproportionate legs and a pinhead. Anyway, he's either shy or doesn't think I'm cute at first, but by the end, he's flustered and prints my form wrong and can hardly say bye. I think this is because I joked and flirted and asked him questions about himself like we were old high school friends catching up.

Which is how I enjoy being. I want to be like that with everyone. And not because I want all the male attention, but because it makes people feel good. If only I could feel good enough to be that way all the time, and not just in my little gym haven...