I know I was trying to post every day, but the new job responsibilities have taken precedence! Which is good. But anyway, like I've mentioned before, it also gets more boring when you have a steady someone and aren't running around with many someones.
But the thing is, I'm never boring. And I'm never just with one steady someone. R. wouldn't come over last night after I got back from dinner with friends, which is perfectly reasonable, so I called JJ in Cali. We talked for like 45 minutes, and he wants to move somewhere and start new...
...he doesn't have the balls to do it, but the mere thought of him moving here is enough to make me wonder what it would be like if we dated. Which sucks, because I don't want to wonder what it'd be like to date anyone else, I want to try dating R. and only R.
But can I give up the thrill of the balancing act? The never-getting-too-attached-to-one-because-there's-always-another? Can I be upset that R. won't come over and not have someone to call and just deal with it?
It's that life-long THING I've had with missing out. I couldn't sleep as a baby because I didn't want to miss out on anything. I couldn't date one guy through college because I didn't want to miss out on another. I couldn't travel after I graduated because I didn't want to miss out on an awesome job.
And I'm happy I did things the way I did. But when can I trust that I'm not missing out on anything by doing what I'm doing? I'm happy with my career right now--definitely not missing out. Definitely in the thick of things. So can I be happy with my choice of men, and let JJ alone?
But then there's always the what if, the what if JJ was the one and by choosing R., I'm missing out on JJ?!
This, my friends, is why I don't try to settle down. It's too hard.
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