Sharing the wealth

Last night I had a volleyball game, and it sucked because my team was being divisive. Mr. Everything's best friend and I were trying to play real volleyball, while the other guy was just trying to hit it over from everywhere on the court. Ugh! But the bigger thing is the fact that Mr. Everything was there... not that I was looking... but I did catch him looking over at my court once--which, of course, is also the court of his best friend, so that doesn't MEAN anything.

But then after the game he came over to us and said something to his best friend, then said hey to me and gave me a HUGE side hug... I mean, this was a super affectionate side hug. Then he hugged his best friend's fiancee--just to make it natural and all. Later he revealed that he had indeed been drinking (as our volleyball league is what is known as a "beer league") so that could explain the exuberance. But he was disappointed I wasn't going to the bar after the game, and frankly, so was I. Which put me in a terrible mood the rest of the evening.

Which brings me to my point, my frustration with being interested in this random person I do not know when I have a wonderful man in my life. We're going on a date tonight. :-D And I think the interest in Mr. Everything is just because I like the chase and all, but I wish I had a good friend to set him up with... I wish I had friends that liked the guys I meet, because I meet a lot and need to be sharing the wealth. Speaking of, my roommate was complaining that she doesn't meet men like our other friend and I do and I felt sort of bad, but at the same time, she doesn't go out with new people! I am super busy because I am running around meeting new people playing sports and going out with other friends or new friends or whoever. I wish some of that would rub off on her. And I wish some of her staying home would rub off on me!

So I'm Behind... I have new job responsibilities!

I know I was trying to post every day, but the new job responsibilities have taken precedence! Which is good. But anyway, like I've mentioned before, it also gets more boring when you have a steady someone and aren't running around with many someones.

But the thing is, I'm never boring. And I'm never just with one steady someone. R. wouldn't come over last night after I got back from dinner with friends, which is perfectly reasonable, so I called JJ in Cali. We talked for like 45 minutes, and he wants to move somewhere and start new...

...he doesn't have the balls to do it, but the mere thought of him moving here is enough to make me wonder what it would be like if we dated. Which sucks, because I don't want to wonder what it'd be like to date anyone else, I want to try dating R. and only R.

But can I give up the thrill of the balancing act? The never-getting-too-attached-to-one-because-there's-always-another? Can I be upset that R. won't come over and not have someone to call and just deal with it?

It's that life-long THING I've had with missing out. I couldn't sleep as a baby because I didn't want to miss out on anything. I couldn't date one guy through college because I didn't want to miss out on another. I couldn't travel after I graduated because I didn't want to miss out on an awesome job.

And I'm happy I did things the way I did. But when can I trust that I'm not missing out on anything by doing what I'm doing? I'm happy with my career right now--definitely not missing out. Definitely in the thick of things. So can I be happy with my choice of men, and let JJ alone?

But then there's always the what if, the what if JJ was the one and by choosing R., I'm missing out on JJ?!

This, my friends, is why I don't try to settle down. It's too hard.