I've been thinking a lot about this personal essay I wrote last year... it was on bodies, and I never could quite nail my message down for the audience. I came across as somehow arrogant despite the fact that I was talking about how insecure I was about my own body. I think the issue is that I AM insecure, but only about ONE area: my stomach. The rest, I am proud of, and work hard for.

So I realized in the process of writing this paper last year that I only go for guys with great bodies. We're not talking average, I-work-out-sometimes bodies, we're talking huge shoulders and biceps with super-defined abs. And generally, I'll sacrifice some face attractiveness to get this kind of body, which is just generally sad. But the two most recent fellas, R. and The Founder, both have seriously awesome bodies and superbly attractive faces. Not THEHOTGUYATMYGYM faces, but given that he's one of a kind, these two are nonetheless close.

Which I really have no point to saying, except that it's interesting in the overall development of my life. Ha, speaking of interesting but neither here nor there, yesterday I was at the gym lifting before spin class. I had forgotten my headphones and was complaining about it to Josh, who you will remember is one of my fave Gold's Gym men, and he lent me his mp3 player. Aw. And seemed to be trying very hard to get me to hang out with him not at the gym, but being too wimpy to ask... probably for the best. I adore The Founder, and can't wait to see him tonight. :-)

Gym hottie needs a nickname

Until I find out his actual name, the hot guy at my gym needs a nickname. McDreamy is already taken (and cheesy as hell), so what will I use? There aren't any puns with Gym other than the name Jim and everything else I think of is cheesy: Mr. Lifter, Hottie McLifterson, Weightroom Wonder... I mean, come on! These are godawful, but I can't think of anything. So I will continue to refer to him as the hot guy at my gym. Or maybe as thehotguyatmygym.

In any case, last night I was at the gym, doing my bicep curls when I suddenly realized that there he was--thehotguyatmygym. I needed to pair my bicep curls with tricep extensions and there he freakin' was, doing tricep extensions on a bench close to me. The only other available bench was directly in front of him. Are you kidding me?! So I did what any weightlifter would do... went right on ahead and laid down on my bench, did my tricep extensions, and went on like it was no big deal. In the middle of bicep curl #22 (of 24, so I'm struggling a bit here), I catch him looking at me in the mirror... great, as I'm grunting and struggling with my manly weight. Fabulous.

I head off to another part of the gym (have to seem like I don't care that he's there) and then come back when the machine I want is taken. I go to the weight rack, but he's using it as his own personal workout area, despite the fact that his (great) body is blocking anyone from access the 15-20lb weights. I smile at him and ask sweetly-sarcastically, "Did you wanna use the whole weight rack?" He takes a headphone out of an ear to hear me, so I repeat my (bad) joke and he laughs. YAY! Meanwhile, I notice that all 5'9" of me barely reaches his shoulder. Nice.

So I take my weights and go away, and we don't talk again. Baby steps. I don't like talking during my workouts either, I had just forgotten my headphones. :-) Progress is progress!

Speaking of progress, I talked to one of my craigslist suitors on IM last night (ps haven't IMed in at least 6 months), turns out he's three years younger than me... doubtful about that one. I think this is why people internet date though, because if you don't like someone anymore, you don't have to face the consequences, you can just delete them or stop responding...

Anyway, not at all worried about the me and R. breakup... happy!

This is why I started this blog!

Just when I was beginning to think that the world is full of the irony that the moment you start a blog about crazy dating experiences, nothing happens to you and you settle down with someone for the first time in forever, last night's road flirting incident happens and I am reassured that all is right in my world.

I go over to R.'s, we have a nice time, etc. I like him a lot. :-) So I'm going home a little after midnight and I'm at a stoplight when an SUV pulls up next to me and a very attractive, shirtless, tattooed man motions for me to roll my window down. Of course I do, and he asks for directions to the highway, which I gladly give him.

At the next stoplight, he rolls up to me again and waits for me to roll my window down again. When I do, he yells over, "You are the cutest woman I have ever seen!" We both laugh, and I say thanks. He asks where I'm going, my dog barks at him, and I say home. We chat a bit more, and then we part ways.

It was funny. I love Austin.

I finally bought a membership at the gym yesterday, and got a good deal too. My membership consultant told me that he was tired of seeing me at the gym and I told him that he better not say that, I just bought a year membership from him! He laughed and said he meant only at the gym, he wanted to go out. But he didn't press it and I skirted the issue, so nothing happened. I don't know how to handle that! I normally just laugh and leave it alone, which works.

And another one down, and another one down, another one... at Gold's Gym

I went in to my fave gym again yesterday... now, normally going to the gym boosts my self-esteem because I look at myself in the mirror a lot while lifting, naturally, but I'm focused in entirely on the muscle I am working, so rather than seeing my stomach bulge, I see my bicep flex and straighten, flex and straighten, flex and straighten--which makes me feel strong and ripped. Of course, walk away from the mirror and into the locker room, and I'm back to seeing the slightest bulge under my t-shirt.

But at Gold's, my self esteem goes up for an entirely different reason, and that is because I can't meet one of the guys that works there without feeling like he's interested! Now, this could just be the way they treat girls because they are trying to get them to sign up so that they can watch them on the gym floor all day in their short-shorts. Fine. But I think it's also the ease with which I talk to them... because the gym is such a comfortable environment for me.

For instance, yesterday I am getting my free one month membership that I "won" set up, but a new guy is helping me. He looks like you expect a trainer to look: beefy in the shoulders and chest, almost coming out of his shirt, but with disproportionate legs and a pinhead. Anyway, he's either shy or doesn't think I'm cute at first, but by the end, he's flustered and prints my form wrong and can hardly say bye. I think this is because I joked and flirted and asked him questions about himself like we were old high school friends catching up.

Which is how I enjoy being. I want to be like that with everyone. And not because I want all the male attention, but because it makes people feel good. If only I could feel good enough to be that way all the time, and not just in my little gym haven...

The GG Saga Continues

You can't really complain about a free membership, can you? And what about a free personal training session... can you complain about that? Three days after the fact when I still can't straighten my arms, I would say yes, complain about your pain, but it's a good complaint. And good pain.

However, my complaint about my personal trainer himself is neither painful nor good, it's just awkward. After we finish our (my) grueling workout, he asks what I'm doing later. I talk about playing volleyball and invite him out of friendliness--he's actually a cool guy, and sports are sports and you can always use an extra player.

He doesn't want to get his clothes dirty.

Fine, that's okay, but then he asks what I'm doing after that. I mention I have Grey's Anatomy on tape and he says that's what he was planning on doing as well! And he has it in high def! I'm welcome to come over and watch with him...

Now hold on just a minute here buddy. Besides the fact that I could be paying you in the future to watch me work out (not going to happen on this editor's salary), it's just awkward to invite a girl over to watch a girly TV show--and then to add that it's in high def, like that makes Grey's that much better?!

I say I'm watching it with my mom. (I am)

But he's not done! "Well, you have my number [from his BUSINESS CARD] if you ever want to come hang out at my apartment... no one is ever around..."

Oh, so he doesn't want anyone around to see my above-average self?!

Speaking of above average guy, he called me today and left me a message, inviting me to dinner at a specific restaurant tomorrow night. Say I were going to accept (I'm not), I thought I was supposed to have say in the date? Like maybe you make a casual suggestion about the restaurant, not like you planned it out for four days in advance?

This is why I don't answer numbers I don't know on my cell. You never know what you're gonna get.